Let the Dead Bury their Dead

“Let the dead bury their own dead.” Those are hard words!

Before my brother Pablo passed, I could not imagine Jesus trying to get us away from our families when sickness and death are imminent. But what if Jesus is actually trying to help us let go when sickness and death strike with the energy of a thousand suns?

Complicated Love
True confession: my relationship with my brother was broken. It was a love/hate relationship that hurt both of us deeply. We wounded each other in ways that we never even realized. His sickness and death, however, brought all of the wounds to the surface. Confronting those wounds, he decided to spend the last months of his life alone with his new wife, who he was married to for only one year.

Life can take the craziest turns. In my case, I would have never imagined I would be a stranger at my brother’s deathbed.

Pablo battled cancer for over four years. It was a journey that marked all of us who were by his side in ways we are still processing. We experienced beauty and affliction constantly. We spent countless hours in cold hospital rooms, waiting for the worst. We cried with joyful hope at the slightest possibility of healing or improvement to his quality of life. We always understood his cancer was not curable.

Let it Go
Perhaps what we need to bury, to fulfill Jesus’ words, is not our family relationships, but the structures that sustain codependent and rivalistic relationships. Maybe that is what Jesus was referring to: Bury your violent origins. Bury your rivalistic expectations. Bury your desires for vengeance. Bury your desire to have fire come from heaven to exterminate those who you do not like. Perhaps there is a gentle invitation in the apparent harshness of Jesus’ words.

A few years ago, my father, my other siblings, and I decided to reveal our rivalries, unrealistic expectations, and violence in order to heal. The process was not easy. But we were at peace burying Pablo, even though he was not at peace until his last breath.

I still mourn the death of my brother, and lament the fact that there is no chance to reconcile and heal together. Yet Jesus invites me to trust that death is no more, and that the exuberance of God’s vivacity is making me free of the violent and rivalistic expectations of my old family system.